Short Shorts and the Women (and 12 year old girls) That Wear Them

I have a theory, a theory that each year is becoming more plausible. This theory is that clothing designers hate women. To clarify, I don't think designers hate women just because women have vagina and tits and they think we should be in the kitchen pregnant and cooking for them and their football buddies. The reason designers hate women is because we will buy ANYTHING if we're told it will make us look good. Take a bow, my gold lamé covered brethren. You've crushed the souls of another bevy of wanna be designers by choosing jeggings patterned after a cheetah. Good job!

Case in point- daisy dukes. There is no question which came first- the daisy duke or the designer daisy duke. In a rural humid Southern town somewhere, some girl with too tight pants decided that she should take her too tight pants and cut them off as short as possible so that all her greasy creases and crevasses could benefit from the sudden breeze. But then they caught on with the help of designers. Designers took something that should have stayed in backwoods Texas and spread it across America. I won't even make the obvious STD joke here because it's just too easy. The daisy dukes spread and now they haunt us in the form of a fashion statement that says not only are you slutty but you also have saggy labia. Thank you designers, thank you for that bold and unneeded statement.

What really offends me about daisy dukes isn't having to see people in Wal-Mart wear them because, really, if you go into Wal-Mart you know what you're getting. It's driving by the high school during lunch hour and not being able to tell which girls are students and which are prostitutes. And it doesn't stop at short shorts that would be more accurately categorized as panties. The slut-tastic clothing expression has spread to cover all areas of tween wear, including prom dresses. After doing a very scientific survey of my exotic dancer friends, it was 100% unanimously agreed that most of the clothing high school girls wear are TOO SLUTTY for the stage. Now that's impressive. Is this a high school student going to prom or turning into a pro? You tell me!

I used to be able to use Uggs as the tell-tale high school sign, but sadly that is no longer the case. The pros are getting comfortable in their footwear, which I can't blame them for. Which would you rather walk the streets in? Soft warm slipper-boots or 8-inch death traps? That's what I thought.
What's interesting is that as prostitutes get more comfortable, female high school students get less. Finding heels four inches and higher in the mall is normal, usually in stores geared towards girls 21 years old and less. How did we go from Uggs to stripper heels? We'll leave that for another post entitled "Heels: They make you look great, then you break your ankle."