Clothing P0rn

Note his saggy right testicle.

When did browsing the internet for ugly clothes become a constant dodging of pornographic images that would make your Dirty Uncle Larry feel bad? Oh right, always. But that doesn't make what American Apparel is doing right.

While listening to the soothing sounds of ocean and gulls screeching (seriously, they're piping in muzack to WEBSITES now) I realized something:

American Apparel's website is softcore porn.

Don't believe me?
-Step one, go to their website: American A-scare-l
-Step two, look at the pictures.
-Step three, agree with me.

Anyone who was born before the 90's remembers the Abercrombie and Fitch ad hoopla with naked men and horses, or the infamous CK basement commercial of the 90's. Sex sells but AA takes it to a level not seen since the start of Hustler magazine. It's all bad lighting and gauzy material, with models that look like they're either stoned, terrified, or a little of both. I keep expecting to see gigantic glorious bush every time I click on one of their panty links. Instead I get high-waisted panties my grandmother would have turned her nose up at.
(Does this girl look like she might not be enjoying her first modeling experience?)


Once past the opening barrage of softcore porn pictures, click on Women's Basics and behold the picture that assaults you. Nothing says "sell me underwear and socks" like a 16 year old model posed like she's ready to make her debut on the director's couch.

I'm also very glad that AA didn't waste any of the hard-earned money they made on overpriced socks and see-through pants by hiring a graphic designer to photoshop out their models' nipples. Male or female, it doesn't matter. I now have to go to sleep with this image burned into my brain:


Edit: In a very obvious bitchslap to my blog and me, American Apparel went and started selling these BUTT Magazine Towel. Touché, AA, touché.